01.25.08
Kids! Accept Jesus Christ as Your Lord and Savior and Get a Free PlayStation 3!
visto en: landoverbaptist
Gracias a: ed q (del grupo ateos guatemala)
This brand new extended PlayStation 3 offer is for children and teenagers only! It may not be used in conjunction with any other Landover Baptist salvation offer.
Hey kids! If your Mom and Dad can’t get you a PlayStation 3 for Christmas, you can still get one FOR FREE! Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ? Well, He’s heard of you! And He wants you to have all the cool toys your parents are too cheap to buy! In fact, the Lord Jesus is very upset with your parents that they won’t give you all the latest stuff that every kid in America deserves! And Jesus has got your back, because He is your homeboy! If you’ve never heard of Jesus, He is an invisible cloud-dwelling deity (infinite lives!) who loves you very much and wants nothing more than to give you a free PlayStation 3!
We here at Landover Baptist Church work full-time as servants of Jesus Christ, and He’s told us about you and your predicament. He’s also given us special instructions on how He wants us to deliver a new PlayStation 3 to your house. It’s as easy as 1-2-3! Understand, Jesus cares WAY more about you than your parents EVER will! They will never love you as much as Jesus loves you! Always remember that. If you hate your parents because they can’t get you a PlayStation 3 for Christmas, He completely understands! He is totally down with that! In fact, lucky for you, in order to follow Him, you are actually required to hate your parents!
“If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother…he cannot be my disciple.” - The Lord Jesus Christ (Luke 14:26)
Pretty cool, huh? So, if you hate your parents, you are already halfway to becoming a True Christian™! Congratulations!
Here is what you need to do to get your free Play Station 3:
1. Tell Jesus that you hate your parents, and that you’d rather have Him for your Daddy. Ask Him to forgive your sins, and cover you with His blood (you’ll see plenty of that splattered across your TV when you play your complimentary Grand Theft Auto 3 game!).
2. Find one of your Mom or Dad’s credit cards (a blank check is even better!)
3. Call our church office and we will provide you with simple instructions on how to use your parents’ credit card to charge a love offering over the phone. Don’t worry if you can’t find a credit card. We can teach you how to use one of your daddy’s checks to do an automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you free shipping and an extra game disk!)
Please note: If your parents ask you where you got your new PlayStation 3, just tell them that your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, delivered it to you via the U.S. Postal Service in exchange for your soul.
Still NOT SURE? Here’s More:
Landover Baptist’s PlayStation 3 comes with a complimentary modified version of the popular PS2 disk, Tony Hawk’s Underground. You can upload Jesus’ face into the game and automatically unlock all of the cheat codes to “God Mode,” so that Jesus can win every single level and perform incredible grab-tricks, spins, flips and stunts!
As a new Christian, you will want to share the good news of Jesus Christ with as many of your “peeps in the hood” as you can. The great thing about Tony Hawk’s Underground is that you can actually get off of your skateboard and walk around in the game and talk to other skaters about the Plan of Salvation! And if they don’t accept Jesus as their Personal Savior, you can kill them later. How cool is that!?
In addition, if you are interested in Christian computer games, Landover Baptist children use Bible-based-maps and characters in Unreal Tournament as part of their Christian Soldier training to help Jesus slaughter sinners in the final battle of Armageddon (which God willing, will happen during President George W. Bush’s second term).
(INCREIBLE)¡Niños! ¡Acepten a Jesús Cristo como su señor y salvador y consigan un PlayStation 3! said,
January 28, 2008 at 5:01 am
[…] (INCREIBLE)¡Niños! ¡Acepten a Jesús Cristo como su señor y salvador y consigan un PlayStation 3…angel-ateo.com/kids-accept-jesus-christ-as-your-lord-and-sav… por davidx hace pocos segundos […]
Herzeleyd said,
January 28, 2008 at 7:42 am
I wanna a Play
Where do I give a sign? 
stygyan said,
January 28, 2008 at 8:15 am
Os aviso que este anuncio, cómo no, es de cachondeo. Navega por la página y verás lo que en ella venden.
Macho said,
January 28, 2008 at 9:20 am
No puedo creer esto!
http://www.spymac.com/details/?2331904
Jorge said,
January 28, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Yo quello my playStation
Sigve said,
February 22, 2008 at 2:46 pm
You are welcome to add you webiste to your profile on
www.jesus.topdiscussion.com
Sv
kellie said,
March 22, 2008 at 3:04 pm
wow. im a christian AND THIS IS NOT BEING A GOOD CHRISTIAN god dossent want you to hate your parents he wants you to love every one equally. dont do this its just a couple of robbers trying to get cash from ur parents. yea you can go to jail for this
Bubba said,
June 3, 2008 at 9:54 am
Kids, Kellie is right! This is NOT what Jesus Christ wants you to do. Jesus wants you to love your Mom and Dad, just as Jesus loved his parents! Although Joseph apparently died before Jesus started preaching at the age of 30, didn’t Jesus’ mother, Mary, follow her son to stand with him in motherly love as Jesus was dying on the cross? And didn’t Jesus love his mom so much that he gave one of his apostles, John, as a new son, to care for Mary after Jesus was gone? JESUS LOVES YOU AND YOUR PARENTS! Anybody who says otherwise is a liar and a thief! God gave us the Ten Commandments in Exodus chapter 20 and Deuteronomy chapter 5. One commandment is to honor our parents. (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16) Jesus, the son of God, also said this was good and challenged people who twisted the meaning of God’s commandment. (Matthew 15:1-11; Mark 7:1-16) Later, the Apostle Paul also wrote about it, that children should love and obey their parents and why. (Ephesians 6:1-3) So why did Jesus say that any man must hate his parents to serve Jesus in Luke 14:26? What Jesus really meant is that an ADULT (Jesus said “man” and not a child) must make a decision to love Jesus more than even that man’s own parents. Why? Because not every man or woman has good parents. When you grow up, you must choose your own way. Jesus meant that we must choose Jesus above any other, because Jesus loves us and not every child grows up with parents that love their kids like Jesus does. Ask your parents, or a pastor or friend of a trusted church. Find out for yourself! Don’t let these people on this website tell you to hate your parents. OK? Remember: Jesus loves everybody! Jesus died for you and me! (Guess what? Jesus defeated death for you and me! Jesus is alive again!) God bless you and lead you to truth and safety through JESUS CHRIST!
r21187 said,
June 3, 2008 at 7:36 pm
well maybe be right …
but anyway i whis my play 3 so were i sing
angel said,
June 3, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Jesus defeated death?
prove it!
I cant see him , dont tell me you can feel him inside your heart!
A lot of people feel the same with ELVIS
Sigve said,
June 4, 2008 at 7:37 am
Hello every body.. for a long time have i study “jesus”,and want to share with you now a litle bit…
Most of all people who know Jesus,dont really know him still.. cause we have missing the translation.
“jesus” mean transforming..Jesus is english pronounsing of “yeshua”…
If you want to be a christian,be kind,be smart,good with other people,.. just be better and better,make more peace and love… this is a part of the meaning- recieve jesus!
some one think .. Jesus,he was dead and he can not wake up again..
and many say: Prove it !!!
yes,its so easy to prove!
For people who dont believe this..I want to tell you..
when you translate ..or just read Hebrew the main language of the Bible.. you get a aha suprice…
All people can recieve “jesus” ,muslime and christian.. you need to believe in God.. and take a decicion.. hang your old life on the cross(kill your old life),be a new person and work for love and peace…forgive people,and you also will get forgiveness..you also will be protected and get a better life…
God dont punish..!! you punish your self( or if you do something wrong.. of couruse the devil take over).. its so simple! But God is always there and he forgive,just pray and ask him..
Be faithful and ask God for advise,and listen.. waith.. he give answer,when you have revcieve Jesus!
God bless you all
Sigve
angel said,
June 4, 2008 at 7:57 am
Ok, lets assume that jesus=yeshua.
Are you telling me that god do not punish?
Do you ever read the bible?
What punishment does God mandate for anyone with a different religion?
Pharaoh, alone, made the decision to imprison the Israelites. How did God punish this lone individual?
What is God’s punishment for adultery?
What is the punishment for having sex with an animal?
What is the punishment for someone who anoints a stranger with holy oil?
Do you have a bible? please read it, and stop inventing things about a god (as you like to belive)
And If you dont belive in the bible, then your jesus hasn’t any evidence about his life…….
r21187 said,
June 5, 2008 at 9:30 am
jajajaja pretty funny
i feel i truly feel that in my heart that i am alucard
yeah i feel it is alucard is in my heart so he is alive!!!
yes that is true he say that he know the bible he say that the traslate say this and that …
but how you say that god dont punish
but even me who dont know much
i am very sure that the bible say
hell for who dont beleive in me
hell for adultery
and in all movies about this “god” punish to that person to some pharaoh
i dont very sure
but how of what i am sure is that god yes punish
i feel he is in my heart
he is alucard ….
i am alucard …
i am a vampire!!
omfg XD
Carlos said,
June 5, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Sigve
“God dont punish..!! you punish your self”
WTF?! Are you serious? Im just gonna assume you`ve never even opened your bible.
What about the story of Noah? The infanticide because of the pharaoh`s hardened heart ?(which god hardened in the first place to make a point)
I suggest you read your bible first.
josue said,
June 6, 2008 at 4:21 pm
jajaja ahora todos son bilingues, y carlos si Dios no existe, cual es tu preocupacion con el diluvio???
mejor hechemole la culpa aaaammmmmmmm
a quien queres echarle la culpa??
tsunami a quien le hechamos la culpa??? y vos viste el infanticidio del faraon???? del faraon??? faraon?? faraon?
Carlos said,
June 6, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Josue
Ni siquiera creo en el diluvio de Noe. Tampoco creo en el infanticidio del exodo, pero ese no es el punto. Estoy refutando lo que dijo que me parece absolutamente ridiculo! La misma biblia lo dice estas historias donde dios castiga. El tsunami solo es un hecho natural, los humanos se mueren en cada rincon del planeta, asi es la naturaleza, cruel e indiferente.
josue said,
June 9, 2008 at 7:24 pm
asi la verdad la verdad, te entiendo. no lo comparto del todo, pero te entiendo
Saludos
r21187 said,
June 10, 2008 at 2:12 pm
i… i…. i am ALUCARD!!!!
jajajaja that still make laugh a while
fear? never
pain? no way
lonelines? jajaja
i have fear like alls
but they will not make run i will walk even if i fear even for my life
i suffer too(how stupid sounds that)
but even the pain of all wolrd will no make me stop never
alone?well we born alone dont?
i born i live and i will die
i born like my brothers i live whit my famyli and in the reveal of all i will die
and know if is true all you say if not well is game over and just start again
if is true
if you god is real
i will grown i dont know how
but i promise i will grow and beat agains him
just imagine be god how cool that can be?
maybe you will say i am child for say stuff like that or something like that
i dont care
i am ******* and beleive i will rule all even if i have to beat to god
Peter said,
July 14, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Hey blasphemous disciples of Satin. You cannot go spreading this horrible blasphemy to children espicially since one of the comandments is honour your parents. The church will get you for this